Who really dates anymore? In today’s flaky female culture of grass is greener cancellations, I prefer to just hangout to the traditional wine and dine. It’s much easier to jump ship and dip if the female starts bringing out the bitch, user, entitled princess, or any one of those less desirable traits. But for those of you who insist on following in your father’s footsteps, I have prepared a list of don’ts from my tireless research online and infield.
If you happen to break one of these cardinal rules, I recommend setting up a self imposed penalty or one that will be enforced by your group of like minded friends. The penalty will serve as a conditioning reminder the next time a similar situation presents itself.
Examples of penalties include:
- Shave your legs
- Wear women’s panties over your jeans for a day.
- Dress completely in drag and wear make-up for a day.
- Wear a post-it on you head all day that says, “I’m a Chode who lives to lick women’s feet.”
Never Double Text. What this means is that if you send a girl a text and she doesn’t respond, you do not, under any circumstances, send her another text that same day until she responds. The same goes for voicemails and emails; once you leave a message, the ball is in her court and you must wait for her to hit it back into yours. If you violate this cardinal rule, go ahead a stamp your forehead with the the word “DESPERATE!” and see how fast she runs away.
Never ask her out to dinner for a first date. There are women out there who will use you for a meal ticket even though they aren’t in the least bit interested in you. Why cook if they have a sucker who will provide a great meal with nice atmosphere where she can get more attention by wearing a skimpy dress? Dinners can be very expensive if you take her to a fancy restaurant and include wine. Stick to asking her out for drinks after dinner. Most girls won’t go out for drinks if they aren’t interested in you. They won’t bother going through all of that just to get a few free drinks when they could do that just as easily by flirting with guys who are already at the bar.
Never allow her to decide where you are taking her. You call all the shots. Disregarding this rule will lead to her undermining your status as the dominant male and cause her to test your dominance in the relationship. Nip this one in the bud right from the beginning. I have some friends that won’t even let the girl order her own food. I like to tell her that I know of a fantastic place with great views, but you don’t want to spoil the surprise.
Don’t let her drive her car or yours. The only exceptions to this rule are if you are severely injured or you are so drunk that you risk getting a DUI. Allowing her to drive puts her at the wheel and gives her complete control of where she wants to go. Always insist on picking her up at her place or at her work. Don’t fall for that, “I’ll just meet you at the” restaurant, movie theater, club, or other venue. If she tries to pull that, tell her you’re an environmentalist and you’re trying to reduce your carbon footprint or some other bullshit that makes logical sense.
Don’t let her put you in a time slot that is convenient for her. This is just another way for her to control the date and an excuse to make you wait for sex after you’ve treated her to drinks, a movie, dancing, or whatever. Find out if she has the entire evening clear for you or if she has other engagements. If she tells you that she has to meet someone later or has something else she has to do, tell her that you don’t want to rush her and that you’d prefer to reschedule when she has more time. This may baffle her, and she might try to be difficult, but you must stand firm, otherwise she will most likely continue to play mind games in an effort to keep you pining for her.
Don’t go out on dates where she will be in the company of friends. These friends are undercover chaperones or worse, police, judges, and executioners of your chances of getting intimate with your date. Women are especially catty and will try to ruin a girlfriend’s chances of having fun or finding any happiness, by judging and blocking her potential mates. I’ve seen this happen many times where later they can offer no real explanation as to why they didn’t like the guy.
Don’t throw your condoms in the trash without rinsing them out with hot water or tabasco sauce first. There have been many a woman who have tried and succeeded in impregnating themselves after the act by emptying the contents of a used condom inside herself. You’d be surprised at what a desperate woman is capable of doing. Does Tabasco sauce kill sperm? I don’t know, but I heard it can make a woman feel like she’s giving birth to the devil himself.
Never, under any circumstances hold her coat, purse, shoes, or other feminine article of clothing. This is a test to see if she can make you her bitch, plain and simple. If she asks you to do this, tell her you can’t because gay guys will start hitting on you and just laugh it off. If she insists, you must hold your ground. I’ve seen girls even throw their purses at their boyfriend’s chests. If this ever happens to you, let it fall to the ground and walk away laughing. She might become a raging bitch but she will respect you in the end. Other similar tests for which you should never compromise on are going to the store to buy her tampons, vaginal cream, or any feminine hygiene products. Those are her responsibility and the condoms are yours.
Don’t let her start lengthy involved communications with others while she’s with you. This is a sign of disrespect and shows how little she values your time together. One or two texts are ok to let someone know where she is etc, but if she starts chatting about the latest YouTube video or Facebook posts on her wall, it’s time to step in and show her who’s boss. Don’t ask her to turn off her phone, just give her that look like you mean business. If she disregards you, grab her phone, take the battery out, and hand it back to her. Tell her you’ll give her the battery back at home. If she becomes a bitch drive her home immediately and throw the battery at her front door. Tell her, “We’ll try again next time.” If she doesn’t come around the next few days with an apology, just write her off.
Always check your breath – I’ve seen so many guys get blown out simply because they had bad breath. You’ve probably heard men are visual creatures, but women are guided much more by their other senses, those being smell and touch. That’s why you want to have clean hair and wear deodorant. But most importantly, you must have fresh breath. I always carry a pack of gum, mints, or mouthwash in my pocket. If you chew gum, try not to chew like a cow chewing its cud. Make sure your mouth remains closed or you chew very infrequently, no more than once a minute.
Also, girls do not think farting is funny at all. If you accidentally let one slip around her, quickly distract her by pointing at something interesting nearby and guide her away from your noxious fumes.