The other day, this girl was explaining to me that she would date a nerd but not a geek. I always thought they were the same thing, but alas I was wrong. Nerds are tech savvy, sensitive, walking encyclopedias, whereas geeks are socially awkward introverts who live with their mother.
We geeks and nerds are cut from a different cloth. We do not possess the superior physical strength or prowess of an alpha male. We tend to be sensitive, intellectual and less aggressive in getting what we want. We want to display greater empathy towards our fellow human beings, for we do not subscribe to the notion that might makes right, but rather logic reigns supreme.
Why are we this way? It usually has something to do with our upbringing. Many of us were raised by single mothers who taught us to have feminine qualities of compassion, sensitivity, and understanding, coupled with an unhealthy unconditional respect and love for all women. We were taught that fighting is wrong and that as men we must look out for the interests of women. Unfortunately, we will have to unlearn many of the gender myths that were subconsciously ingrained in us from a young age.
Others of us were raised by both parents where our fathers were henpecked beta nerds themselves who unfortunately were unaware of the environmental conditions that lead them to become spineless submissive males and unconsciously passed those traits on to you and I. These parenting archetypes are also responsible for the way we nerds tend to place such a high value on sex and on a woman’s vagina in general. We are taught that a woman is giving something special to us and she is taking us in. This type of upbringing creates the desperately depraved mindset that many nerds have towards women and sex in general. We think it’s all about getting “lucky” and the fact that she “let” us have something, instead of a more healthy view of sex as an experience where both consenting adults share pleasure equally.
In the past, this dysfunctional scarcity mindset relegated most nerds to settle down and marry the first girl who gave them any approval. These ladies tended to be not the most desirable picks, plain Janes, ugly Betties, etc, but to be fair, many were and are very down to earth and compassionate mates. The choice girls with the coke bottle figures and the intoxicating femininity were only in our dreams.
But something happened in the late nineties and early two thousands that had never occurred in the history of the United States; the advent of the internet, dot com era and with it, nerd superstars who became overnight millionaires and billionaires. All of a sudden, the script of the alpha male was flipped on it’s head and the coolest people on the planet were the uber nerds who ran the tech world from places like Silicon Valley, California.
My father’s friend, who owned a small landscaping company at the time, became wildly successful designing extravagant backyard gardens and fountains for these new multimillionaires.
He was astounded by how many of these 130 pound nerds with glasses and pocket protectors had model looking wives sharing their newly created empire of mansions, designer clothes and luxury cars. The irony is that many of these guys were bullied and ridiculed for being weak and socially awkward in high school by the same women who now adored them. They were the ones now laughing all the way to the bank and between the sheets. It was the ultimate nerd’s revenge.
Bullies are many times mistaken for alpha males, but in fact they are not. Though they may have physical strength and dominant posturing, they are usually of lower socioeconomic status and/or intelligence. This makes him weak in the areas of leadership and provider-ship (key elements in an alpha). Their insecurity about their social standing leads them to pick on weaker males in order to feel better about their shortcomings. They will get dumped by longtime girlfriends, shunned by friends, and find themselves around people who get bored with their antics. Be a human, not a subclass creature who believes in control over others.
You do not have to masquerade as an alpha male in order to be attractive to women. All you have to do is say something witty or display a little talent and then play a little unreadable man of mystery.
Women appreciate men with talent and they see it as sexy, for it is inspiring to see someone with the passion to master an undertaking. This is why artists, musicians and athletes get laid so easily (with athletes it’s more the professional ones with the multimillion dollar contracts, but you get my point).
Studies (mostly from college surveys) show that during ovulation, women crave humor and intelligence in men even more than high T (testosterone) characteristics (those being muscles, deep voice, and risk taking actions). It’s a difficult theory to test in public as most women are not willing to divulge such personal information as the date of their last ovulation. Rest assured, however, that while the jocks are busy pumping weights, driving fast, and hanging from cliffs, the nerds are playing guitars, writing poetry and designing smartphone apps and websites.
How do we nerds and geeks compete with alpha males for the right to have sex with the same target? We do not. We simply circumvent natural selection. Darwin never speculated that this happens in the animal kingdom as well.
In dung beetle courtship, most males and females pair up into couples, then get jiggy in a little dirt tunnel. Afterward, the dominant male will guard the entrance to the tunnel. But while this male is pursuing a noble strategy of monogamy, there is another kind of sleazier dung beetle who will dig a side tunnel past the dominant male, copulate with the beetle babe inside, then slip out the back door undetected. You and I, my friend, are the human equivalent of that sleazy dung beetle.
A similar phenomenon has been observed among chimpanzee communities. When the females are in heat, the males of highest rank (strongest, most dominant) jockey for position to be able to mate with the females. This usually leads to a big standoff between the two or three alphas of the tribe. The interesting thing is that while the battle for the babes takes place, the beta males take the opportunity to mate with the females and can actually impregnate them before the alpha gets his sloppy seconds. Nature is savvy in diversifying the gene pool this way.
The natural mate for a nerd is a sapiosexual. Sapiosexuals are people who are turned on by intellect. Now, this does not necessarily mean that she is a nerd queen or geek princess and may not even possess a high intellect herself, but she appreciates one and is attracted to those qualities in her mate. A great example of a sapiosexual is the character Penny from the popular sitcom “Big Bang Theory.”
The problem with us nerds and geeks is that we tend to overly emotionally express ourselves, to the point where we sound like women. We complain about every little thing that bothers us and go out of our way to empathize with women and display our human emotions. While women will claim that this is exactly the type of man they want, they tend to pursue the complete opposite. Women are, for the most part, idealists. They love to talk about the ideal man that want in their lives, but when in the field, those are exactly the type they frown upon and from which they run away.
What separates the wildly successful super nerds like Mark Zuckerberg and Bill Gates from the rest of the nerd population? It is that they share a single alpha trait, and that is the ability to be a leader who is clear in his vision. Men with leadership abilities are given elevated roles in the corporate ladder and rewarded well for this status. Leadership implies power, and nothing is more intoxicating to a woman than a man with power.
To summarize, the recipe for a nerd’s success with women is to master a craft better than anyone else and to be able to lead a team of others who depend on your leadership for their success. That combined with learning some pickup techniques should allow you to score many infield goals as well.
Do you think nerds have any other advantages or disadvantages in pickup? Share your thoughts in the comments section below.