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Fool a Gold Digger

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girl with tiger on a leashGold diggers have been around since man first learned to acquire resources. Since it’s the resources and the lifestyle of those that possess them that they’re after, the easiest way to get into their pants is to create the illusion that you are that dapper Don with disposable income.

To create the illusion, you can employ any or all of the tricks described below, as well as any other displays of wealth or status you have available. I had a friend who was a real estate agent and not a very good one at that. He did have keys to million dollar homes, however, and he used them to smash the hottest gold diggers in town. For more on that, read “To Catch a Gold Digger.”

Some tactics are subtle and require little investment while others are more involved, but will create a greater “wow” factor. The ones you choose will depend on how much you feel is necessary to impress the diamond desiring damsel. Bear in mind that these are temporary solutions and will only give you one or two shots to sleep with her. Once your cover is blown, she will jump to the next guy as she searches for her golden cock.

Flash the Faulex
Rolex on the wristReal Rolex watches are nothing more than status symbols that command prices of $7,000 to $120,000. Gold diggers are brand freaks and they look for signs that reveal a man’s wealth. Luckily you can buy a fake Rolex at most watch dealers in any Chinatown in the world. They won’t be in the display case with the other watches, as they aren’t legal in most places, so you will have to ask the watch dealer if he has any in the back. In today’s market they can be purchased for under $50 U.S. They come in different grades from A to C. The better ones have a smooth second hand that doesn’t tick. Remember, the rest of your outfit should complement the watch. Wear form fitting fashionable clothes and accessorize with a few premium brand items like belts, ties, scarves and shoes.

Carry a Roll of Cash
Cash is king and so is the man who carries it. We can create the illusion that we live the life of luxury by carrying a big wad of cash wrapped with a rubber band. Simply wrap about 40 ones with a couple of twenties, a fifty, and a hundred dollar bill on top. When paying for a drink pull out your wad and flash it, then reach into your other pocket and pull out a single $20 to pay for the drink. All she sees is a lot of bills and the hundred on top. That’s usually enough to get her panties moist.

Call My Bank Balance
You write your phone number for her on the first piece of paper you find in your pocket. It just happens to be an ATM receipt with an extraordinary account balance that you took the time to fish out of the bank’s trash can. One look at that number and you can bet she’ll be wanting to see more of you in the near future.

Is That Your Car?
guy on a lamboDownload a soundboard app for your smartphone that has an alarm chirp sound. In your suit and shiny shoes, stand next to the Ferrari or Lamborghini that’s been valet parked outside the club. When your target walks by and notices you, have your hand in your coat pocket and activate the alarm chip sound on your phone at the highest volume possible. Smile and walk into the club. To complete the effect, order a Ferrari or Lamborghini key and keychain from Ebay for about $15. When ordering a drink at the bar next to her, take out your fake keys and cellphone and set them on the bar while you search for your wallet. She’ll take note of the keys to her new kingdom. Note: You obviously won’t be able to drive her home that night, so get her phone number and leave the club early before she can figure out what’s what.

Sell That Startup
mark zuckerberg & wifeThe world has seen it’s share of overnight millionaires and billionaires who created a small internet company out of nothing but brain power and gone on to sell it for a fortune, only to retire in their late 20’s. She doesn’t know you from Mark Zuckerberg so why not play the part? Have some phony business cards printed up stating that you are the CEO of some company that you dream up. Make the idea sophisticated enough to where she can’t question it’s authenticity. Tell her that one the the big tech giants has made you an offer but for you it’s like giving up your baby and you’re still thinking about it. You can’t mention any specific names until the deal is finalized but it should set you up for life. Don’t complain if she wants to screw you ‘till the cows come home.

You Have a Driver?
Have your buddy (preferably one who can do a British accent) play the part of your chauffeur. Have him dress in a suit or tux with a beret and white gloves. Borrow or rent an older sedan Cadillac or Lincoln from someone and you sit in the back as your driver drives you to pick up your date. At certain times during your date have the self dial app call his phone. He will answer and say it’s your broker on the line. “He wants to know what you want to do with your ten thousand shares of Disney, your ranch house in Napa or your rental properties in Hawaii.”

gold digger with diamond necklaceUnfortunately, you will be a one trick pony and probably won’t land any long term girlfriends this way, but you will experience some of the hottest catches in the sea. These girls tend to have immaculate hair, nails and waistlines, as they know they are competing for limited resources. You, my friend, will become that resource, even if just for a night. You will also have the bragging rights as well as knowing that you beat them at their own game (the game of illusion).

Do you have other tricks of the trade? Please share them in the comments below and I will add them to this article.

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