Overcoming Approach Anxiety

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approach anxietyDo you ever wonder how some really average or even ugly guys pull decent looking girls from the club night after night? Many of these guys have no good job, no good looks, no money, no muscles, and no talents other than their ability to pick up girls and bang them.

The secret to their success is their self confidence. That’s a rather vague term that most pickup seduction gurus preach, but rarely clearly define. It is not that macho confidence that makes alpha males puff out their chests and smash beer cans on their foreheads. I am talking about a very specific type of confidence that makes you sound like you know what you’re talking about and that makes women feel comfortable around you. It’s a self confidence where you don’t give a fuck what other people think and your uniqueness and surefootedness allow you to shine in a room full of sheep.

How does one acquire this confidence around women? It doesn’t happen overnight, and is a trait that must be learned and improved on by practicing as much as possible. Putting yourself out there over and over is the key to it’s mastery.

Our biggest obstacle as betas and AFCs is to overcome the fear of rejection. Because we are usually more sensitive and emotional than the thick skinned alpha males on the scene, the thought of being put down or turned away by a prospective mate can be overwhelming. It is this fear that paralyzes us on the spot and deters us from making the first move.

boxing a womanApproaching for newbies is kind of like getting into a boxing ring; never having been in a fight before. The thought of receiving painful blows from a menacing opponent can leave one shaking and whimpering in the corner before the fight has begun. But once you practice the sport and realize that those blows are not personal and can be countered with blocks and counter punches, the fear is magically lifted and over time is permanently removed, as long as you force yourself to keep getting in that ring.

Another way to view the solution to approach anxiety is like a vaccine. Doctors found that the human body can become resistant to certain viruses. By introducing a small quantity of a weaker virus, the body’s immune system builds up an immunity to the full blown illness.

rejectionLikewise, in order to overcome the effect of rejection on your psyche, you must expose yourself to small quantities of it at first and greater quantities over time until you become immune to rejection. How do we induce this rejection vaccine? It’s simple. Start by forcing yourself to get rejected by girls you find unattractive and would never want to sleep with anyway. Try your best to get rejected by them by being way too aggressive, using sexually explicit language or touching, or playing super needy by seeking their approval and asking permission to do everything (like using the restroom). Fugly girls are not used to guys fawning all over them, so be careful not to over do it, at the risk of coming off as disingenuous.

When you are no longer affected by their rejection, move up the ladder and practice getting rejected by girls you might sleep with if you were wasted drunk, or stranded with on a deserted island. Repeat all the way up the food chain until you are like superman and the venomous words just bounce off of your chest. Once you have mastered rejection, believe it or not, you will be able to fake disqualify (reject) females, trigger interest and thus be able to engage in the “push and pull” techniques that women, especially hot ones, find irresistible.

sexy alienEven though many times we feel that women are like an alien species; unpredictable and many times cruel in their behavior, it is important that you make them believe that you understand them, can relate to them and do not fear them. They will almost always try to test your ability to handle their defensive posturing (also known as bitch shields and shit tests), so be prepared to diffuse and dismiss these childish antics.

Another self defeating characteristic of newbie PUAs and AFCs is that we tend to overanalyze every situation before we act in an attempt to secure the greatest chance at a favorable outcome.

As a kid, before I learned how to swim, I remember looking down into the water, always trying to figure out how deep it was and if I would be able to stand with my head above the waterline if I became too exhausted treading water. That over analysis of the situation is what kept me from jumping in feet first and it’s what keeps newbies and AFCs on the sidelines.

In swimming, I soon realized that it doesn’t matter if the water is 8 feet deep or 100 feet deep; it’s all the same if you know how to swim.

swimming poolThe same holds true for approaching women. It doesn’t matter if she’s a 5 or a 9, as long as you know how to interact with her, can roll with the punches (her playful shit tests), and don’t take any interaction personally. You will survive and, although you will not always, win, there will be a payoff sooner or later. You have to jump in feet first and not be afraid to get your feet wet.

There is no magic pill or fast cure for approach anxiety. All I can tell you is that you have to force yourself to get out in the field and approach as many women as possible. Be present and learn to identify the excuse pattern that commonly emerges in the mind of nerds who prefer to rationalize the reason why the situation is not conducive to the approach. Practice, practice, practice.

Approach Anxiety Tip: When talking to a girl, especially if you think she’s out of your league, focus on an imperfection in her body or face. It could be a gap in her teeth, acne, a bump in her nose, smeared lipstick or mascara, a scar, or even split ends in her hair. In your mind, tell yourself that she’s not really that hot because she’s not a natural blond, her breath is not that fresh, she’s too short, her ankles are kind of big or whatever. Remember, do not stare or comment on the imperfection, but just keep thinking about it and use the mental exercise to maintain confidence and portray higher value. She will intuitively sense this and will try to get your approval in one of her many feminine ways. Enjoy the process and forget about the outcome. This technique really works. Try it!

Below is a video that explains an exercise that you can do in public to help you start to operate regularly outside of your comfort zone. Jump in, the water isn’t that cold, I promise.

Do you have any techniques to help guys overcome approach anxiety? Please comment below.

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