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The Right & Wrong Way to Neg a Girl

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neggingNegging is a term that was coined by one of the more popular original pickup artists named Mystery. It is essentially a back-handed compliment designed to shake a girl’s confidence by subtly tapping into their female insecurity. These remarks usually confuse and intrigue a girl, causing her to want to talk to you further.

Generally negging is only used with the hottest girls (8-10s) as they are the ones who have been put on a pedestal by guys and enjoy their superiority complex by rejecting all suitors who approach. In negging, you state something that will disqualify you as a potential suitor just long enough so that you can demonstrate high enough value to hit those attraction switches in her head so that you start getting IOIs (indicators of interest) from her.

If they are responsive to you, nice and not rude (be it verbally or non-verbally) then do not use it. As crude as this sounds, some of the concepts of child raising can still apply here: reward for good behavior and punish for bad behavior. Being dismissive or indifferent will still deserve a neg but I think you need to use your own judgment as to whether it is useful in any given situation.

The secret to negging an self-entitled hot bitchy girl is to shake her just enough to get her to come down off of her pedestal but not so much that you smash her ego into the ground, which may yield the exact opposite effect of the one you are trying to achieve. I have seen girls become angry, defensive and even vindictive when guys push too far too fast. If you press the wrong button or fail in the delivery, the neg takes on unintended hurtful meaning. It’s a tightrope act, for sure.

The number one rule to remember in negging is to always ridicule a mutable property of a woman; that is, something that she could change about herself if she wanted with little or no effort. You can talk about her mannerisms, her hairstyle, her nail color, her laugh, her shoes, even her voice. Never make remarks about her weight, the size of her nose, her breasts, her teeth, or any other innate physical characteristic that she cannot easily change.

Case in point:

I was winging a friend of mine and together, we decided to start negging a couple of girls who started throwing us attitude right off the bat. See if you can tell where the fatal flaw occurred that turned the conversation south.

girl in black and pink pumpsMe: “You’re kinda cute, but you know those pink shoes don’t really go with that outfit.”

Girl #1: “What are you talking about?”

Me: “I’m not gay or anything, but I happen to know that pink and black are not complementary colors. That’s basic design school 101.”

Girl #1: “You’re damn right you’re not gay, ‘cause a gay guy would tell you that pink is a hot color and black is a cool color and they DO work, so there!”

Me: “Black is not a cool color, black is a neutral. Where did you say you went to school?”

Girl#1: “I didn’t, but I went to (insert no name school here). Where did you go to school?”

My Friend: (to Girl #2): I like that big necklace you have on girl, it really matches your big body.”

(Awkward Silence)

Girl#2: “Fuck these assholes, let’s go Jenny!”

Girl#1: “Yeah go fuck yourselves with your tiny penises!”


As you can see, the situation turned ugly after my friend opened his big mouth. He committed a fatal flaw when he broke the cardinal rule of negging. He made a remark about the woman’s weight and body dimensions. Western women are extremely body conscious and usually have a lot of insecurity surrounding their image. Weight is a topic that is best avoided and never joked about.

Here’s an example of a neg executed correctly:


She stepped on my foot*Girl dancing, accidentally steps on my foot*

Me: “Ouch!, Damn that hurt!”

She: “Don’t, stand around the dancefloor when people are trying to dance.”

Me: “It’s ok, lucky it was just my foot this time, but that could have been my heart.” *smirk*

She: Starts to walk past me.

Me: “You should really practice walking in heels before you go out in public.”

She: “What’s wrong with the way I walk?”

Me: “You just don’t seem to have the balance quite right yet.”

She: “It’s just that these shoes are new, I haven’t broken them in yet.”

Me: “If you ever learn to walk in them, I might be able to take you out in public someday.”

She: “Oh yeah? And where would that be?”

Me: Text me when you can walk more than a block without stumbling and I’ll tell you.

I hand her my phone and she puts her number in.


My negs were measured and prefaced with a subtle compliment. She, being thrown off by the dual nature of the comment, reacted somewhat defensively at first, but then showed more and more approval seeking language. She was attracted by both my false disqualifers and my lack of reaction to her rejection as well as my hints of possible attraction for her.

Experiment with various negs and calibrate your comebacks to her level of defensiveness. With enough practice, you should be able to push the envelope and approach that defense line without getting blown out by going over it.

I would caution against opening with a neg, unless she’s been identified as a real ball buster who thinks her shit don’t stink. Don’t go in guns blazing use softer ones; save your atomic negs for the ones who choose to escalate the attitude to defcon 4. When negging, always give her a way out to gain your favor, to fall in line and submit. Show her you are pleased, by discontinuing the negs in favor of genuine compliments.

Follow our hashtag #NegHer on the GotPickup Twitter page for you fresh dose of daily negs. Do you have a neg that works? Share it with your bros in the comments below. If it’s any good, I’ll tweet it!

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